Can You Agree with Someone Who Hates You?
By: Quinton Pretorius
I like using Cultural Intelligence (CQ) to understand others, but how do you decide to agree with someone who hates you?
My first reaction is that “hate” is a strong word. It makes me pause and think about what is really going on underneath that reaction.
I think about Nelson Mandela on Robben Island. Even when he was treated with hostility, he still tried to see the human being in front of him. That does not mean he accepted what was happening to him. It means he separated the person from the system or the behavior.
That is what I try to do. I stay curious. I ask myself what is driving the hate. Is it fear, misunderstanding, pressure from others, or something personal in their experience?
But I also keep a clear line. Understanding someone does not mean I agree with them. It does not mean I allow disrespect or harm.
So for me, CQ is not about agreement. It is about understanding, then choosing how I respond without losing my own boundaries.
Leadership Beyond Your Perspective
Finding common ground in the face of bias is a major challenge. It can drain our CQ Drive and rob us of our motivation. These situations are often helped by taking a moment to step back and reflect.
Cultural Intelligence facilitators Athena Rayne Anderson (Ph.D., M.Ed.) and Quinton Pretorius have designed a CQ Safari Learning Journey where the African bush becomes your classroom, your mirror, and your teacher. On this new Learning Journey, you’ll discover how CQ mirrors the rhythms and wisdom of the natural world. By pausing the hectic pace of life, you’ll connect more deeply with nature and honor it’s profound lessons. This experience will take you to the Eastern Cape of South Africa to develop your leadership skills among some of the planet’s most iconic wildlife.